When you've seen too much, too young, soulless is everywhere.

I have these thoughts. They seep from my brain, through my skull, and from my skin to do harm to you. They will not cease, I can not change them. These thoughts are horrid, they are vile; they are unstoppable. Because of these thoughts I am not worthy to love. They take me by surprise, these thoughts of you; of your face, of your smile, of the sound of your laugh. The thoughts themselves are not of harm or violence. They are just simply you. Of the way you once were, the way we once were. The harm it does to you, you can not feel, you know nothing of it. The harm I speak of is just to me, but in-turn it will damage my memory of you. It will damage eveything I have of you. I stop to breath and there you are, just flashes but it stings. There were tears once, in the beginning, but I am too numb. I've heard of a zombie-state. In which the victim, the subject is so invected with a pain that he/she resorts to not feeling, emotion wise. They go through life as usual, but in some ways 'lifeless'. They do everything they must but that is all. They answer when spocken to, but do not hold conversations, nor ask for it. I believed once that memories were needed. That if you could not rememeber the people in your life, or the things you once loved, that life would be worthless. I've learned that, that is not true. I've learned that most of the time, memories are not needed, they are best forgotten. I am a zombie.