A face broken upstairs. I fall down, tumbling I lose my ground. Paint my hair a blackened crown. Lift my head as I cry out.

You're such a good actor. Telling me things I wanted to hear and even things I didn't just so you seemed legit. But all you did was use me; emotionally. You made me get attached in some way then you pull it from me, like a cat and mouse. I don't want to play games with you. I never wanted to fall for you. You were the worse thing for me, especially at this time in my life. At the beginning I figured I knew you well enough, I couldn't actually fall for a guy like you. But you proved me wrong; you made me laugh at the right times, tried to make me feel good about myself when I needed it, even made me aggravated when neccessary. You made me happy. But it was all for you. Maybe you just needed someone to talk to. Someone to fantasize with. Someone to make you feel less alone. And you stubbled onto me. Sad, lonely little me. I don't blame you for that, I'm sure it was plain accident. But you realised, well she's already broken, shouldn't be that much damage on my part. So you pursue talking to me, texting me, calling me. Leading me on to think you were actually going to be, in the least part, my friend. Oh, and who can forget those magic words right? Telling my I was different then any other girl. I'll give you credit for that, I mean I've never heard that one before. And the delivery on it was, may I say, excellent, because I very much believed you. And you pretending to care, that was the worst of it for me. Because I had trouble in the beginning trusting that you cared. I denied it for so long, then when I let myself believe. Well, you definitely proved that I was right all along. I had an idea of what kind of person you were. You made me feel a bit bad about that at first too. Judging you before I "knew" you. I was honest with you. I told you my fears, I was risking myself for you. But it wasn't serious right? I mean, even if you were telling the truth we weren't to be anything serious. Because that would be insane, someone like me and someone like you. But you were faking everything. Don't worry, I also blame myself. I let myself believe everything that came out of your mouth. I let myself read all the signs to my advantage, even when in the back of my mind I was screaming at myself to come back to reality. I can't keep myself from hating you right now. I hate you as much as I hate myself. We're in the same boat. I'm sure I'll get over this sooner or later. I mean, it's not like I loved you or anything. Just strong feelings. But right now, I feel used, and mislead, and hurt, and alone; and whether or not you meant it to happen, I blame you.


You'll never read this, and you'll never know my feelings. And I'd rather keep it that way. Everything I've said is true. I mean, if I were to write this and think you'd actually care, then I would just tell you. But I'm writing this to you, for me. So I can say this without ever having to speak to you.


Heck, maybe this is a good thing. I wont see you, and I wont talk to you. And if that ever does happen, I'll just fake a smile and say "Oh hey. Yes, I'm fine. And how are you?"


But I hope you hurt.


Honestly, I think the worst part was that I wanted it to be real, so bad.